operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
