every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
