when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
