You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
