why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
