I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
