Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
