You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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