just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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