she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
