I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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