Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
