the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We are two peas in an std pod
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
