In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
