i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
