people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
