i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
