dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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