i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
