just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The air taste purple.
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