He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
