I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
