I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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