She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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