I don't usually arrange sex via text message
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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