thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
