i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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