it wasn't lemon gatorade
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i've created a new STD.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
