Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
there is glitter all over my balls
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