I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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