I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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