This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
