thus making me awesome and them whores
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
