i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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