it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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