You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
