this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Pants are for mortals
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
