I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you had me at cake vodka
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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