I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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