I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
