i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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