He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my shit smells like andre
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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