Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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