Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
