why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
