He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
