I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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