I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
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