I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
