Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So vagazzling was a success
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