Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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