so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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