the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
