He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
