i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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