there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
