Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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