a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
