her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
