I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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