Where did you get a picture of my penis
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
