Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well I just put wine in my tea
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
