I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize