Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
