Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
