i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize