nut hugger
one two three fourrrrnication!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
