my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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