he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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