I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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