i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize