think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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