you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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