Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
worst night to have a conscience
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
