He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
