ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
