How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
