there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
