how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
