The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
