I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
