Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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