I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize