you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
