why do cheetos always look like penises
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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