Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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