that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize