did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
