Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
