So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
