Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
