Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize